this moment

Inspired by Soulemama:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

One Year Ago...

I can't believe it's been a year since my Lu was born.  I know that time flies that first year...I prepared myself to savor every moment.  And yet, it feels as if that first year escaped me.  Seriously....how did my little one grow so fast?

I realized that I never shared the beautiful photos my brother took after Lucia was born.  Our intention was for him to be there to photograph the birth.  I was in the middle of intense labor when my doula asked if we should call him.  At the moment, the thought of having a person snapping pictures during my contractions really set me off.  So I asked her to wait.  I didn't think of it again until it was almost time to push.  So....he missed the birth.  I was really bummed about it for a while, thinking I would have loved to have the birth and everything that led up to it photographed.  In hindsight, I think it was good he wasn't there.  I'm glad he was able to capture what he did, but obviously my gut knew that I wouldn't be entirely comfortable with photography during my labor.

Here are a few of the photos...

This was taken almost right after Lu was born.  I was in the herbal bath my midwife prepared waiting for Lu to come join me. I remember feeling so exhilarated...though you may not see that on my face here.

This photo right here is my favorite of the bunch.  I literally gasped when I first saw it.  I remember just being in awe of this little person that I was holding.  And still totally shocked Lu was a girl.  I was convinced my entire pregnancy that I was having a boy.

Right after our bath the midwife took Lu to weigh her.  She used an old, metal scale.  I remember looking at the scale and wondering how many babies had been weighed on it.  So many.  I also remember that I had washed our towels the night before and they were still in the dryer.  I'm pretty sure I had to ask the midwife's apprentice to go get them out of the dryer for us in the middle of labor.

Here she is on the scale...I love seeing her wrinkly skin in this one.  She weighed 7lbs 6 oz....just two ounces more than Z.

Still in the bathroom...Joe and the midwife dressed Lu while I soaked in the tub.

Joe with Lu after they got her dressed.  He told me that when he got back to the room it was all cleaned up from the birth already.  Those apprentices are fast!  I love the look on his face here....exhaustion and joy (he worked pretty hard during the labor and birth too).

This photo is so interesting to me.  It's right after my bath.  I remember feeling so relieved and incredibly empowered...but I look totally wiped out.  Our priest is praying for us and Joe is beside me holding Lu.  Our doula is on the floor nursing her son.  This moment felt strangely sacred.  There was a lot of love in that room.

This was taken in the evening, after Joe and I returned from the emergency room.  I had to go to get sutured since our midwife does not suture.  Azalia had been out with her Abita (short for Abuelita) and Tia Sarah all day.  They took her out to celebrate her birthday, which was the following day.  Although Z was present for the birth, this was the first time she got to hold her sister.  I'm so glad that my brother captured this moment.

Many, many thanks to my brother, Nate, for these after birth photos.  They are such a treasure.

We are still here...

Hello friends. 

It's been a while since our last post, hasn't it?  I just wanted to write and say that I'm taking a little break from this space.  We have been busy beyond belief.  Health issues (relatives, not us!), babies, school, work and some house remodeling...all the things that fill up life quickly.  I do plan on returning to regular posting sometime this month, though I'm not sure when.  I am also trying to figure out what I want this blog to be about.  I don't want it to be just another "mommy" blog.  I also don't feel qualified to make this a faith blog.  But I want this space to make a difference, to educate,  to encourage and to open people's eyes.

To my readers, what do you like to see here?  What are your favorite posts?  To my friends who know us well, what do you think?  

The Printed Word

source: flickr

I was in Barnes and Noble this last week and was struck by an ad I saw there.  I normally visit my local, independent bookstore for all my book needs, but I was waiting to meet with my advisor at school.  I had both of the girls and B & N happens to be next to the school.  Anyways, the ad I saw showed a young child sitting in a window seat.  Sunlight is streaming through the large window and the child looks thoroughly engrossed in whatever it is he is reading.  But he wasn't holding a large picture book or a well-worn paperback novel....he was holding a Nook.

This picture stopped me in my tracks.  I honestly felt that this ad looked like it could be a scene from a science-fiction movie.  The story would be set in a world where physical books no longer exist.  Everything you read is on a portable mini-computer.  Then, a deadly virus destroys these mini-computers and the world is left without the written word in any form.  All the classics, Tolstoy, Austen, Shakespeare, all vanish.  The world then slowly declines until mankind is extinct.

Dramatic?  Maybe.

Then I began to think about what the world will look like when my daughters are my age.  Are books going to become like records, collected by a few, die-hard fans?  Will the printed word even exist?  Will they have a physical connection to books like I do?  Will they enjoy the weight of a book in their hands?  Will they see the way a paperback's spine shows its wear?  Will they feel the softness of a book's pages as they turn?  Will they be able to open a used book and inhale its sweet, musty scent?

There is something about the connection with a physical, printed book that makes reading that much more enjoyable.  Will this same connection exist with an electronic version of a book?  I have my doubts. I just can't see how the experience of reading a physical book can be matched by reading a book with the newest piece of digital technology. 

So, from this point on, I am making a commitment to read the printed word.  Hopefully, this love for the printed word will be passed on to my daughters, and they can help books and other writings remain a physical part of their world. 

Do you own a Nook or a Kindle?  Do you read books on your phone?

Are book an endangered species? 

Forgiveness. . .

Author's note: This is the beginning of a series of blogs I started and never finished. This one was begun in January of this year. I just finished it today. I've been so inconsistent with blogging that my wife has started to give me assignments. I'm proud to say that I initiated this series. It will get done. . .probably.


Every morning right around 7:15 my eldest daughter cracks open her door, softly pads her feet down the hall to our room, creaks open our door and, with hall lights streaming in from her face says, "Daddy, I'm hungry. Let's go eat supper or lunch." Today was different. She came into our room, crawled into bed with us, and said, "Daddy, will you forgive me for all the ways I've offended you?"

We've taught her to do this every Sunday before church, but for her to do it, especially on the morning after a night when she had been particularly naughty and resistant to bed time was rewarding.

I don't believe that God racks us with guilt over and over until we finally say sorry. It feels that way sometimes, but the truth is, that he is more concerned with our wholeness, our healing than anything else. When I slow down and start to feel the manifold ways in which my wandering, my selfishness, my pride, my self-pity, my envy, etc. has wounded me, when I start to feel how dead I am without Christ, then I can realize through repentance what life is, what it is to truly live.

I'm not there yet. I still like to be right. I like to throw tantrums, I like to get angry and stay that way, 'cause "damn it, I deserve to be angry once in a while. It's my right."

"Wound our souls with your love," we say as we pray at the sixth hour, the hour that Christ was nailed to the cross. But I wonder if I really want this. If my heart were truly opened completely to the love of Christ, what great pain I would feel every moment of the day for having betrayed, ignored or just plain forgotten this love! Guilt doesn't even begin to explain it. It would be more like stubbing your own toe, or burning yourself on the stove, or slamming your own hand in a door over and over and over. If I have begun to become a "little Christ", then He is in me, His life is in me, He dwells in me.

"Heal my soul for I have sinned against you," it says in the Psalms. The love of the Holy Trinity, powerful, dynamic, unquenchable draws me back to myself where Christ dwells, where open arms await the repentant heart.

I forgave my daughter for all the ways that she's offended me. I must forgive everyone everything, all the time. God, help me. And forgive me for being impatient with my daughter this morning, for not listening to my wife on the phone as she reached out to me after a hard day, for forgetting to pray, to think of You. Guide me into repentance, into confession, that I may be opened, sensitized to your presence where there "is fullness of joy."

this moment

Inspired by Soulemama:

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

...makes me smile

Happy Monday!  We (sans Papabear) just returned from a short little trip to Iowa to help my sister and brother-in-law move (there was no actual moving-in involved due to a late moving truck) into their new apartment!   No links this week, I didn't have much access to the internet while we were gone.  Here's what made me smile this week:

Playing at the sprayground...

Taking our wagon on it's first road trip...

Rest area picnics...

My sister...

The cute little town in which my sister & bro-in-law live...

The fact that they are only 5 hours away (!)...

Lu getting her third tooth...

Lu deciding to stand up on her own two feet (without assistance)...

Watching Z make memories with her Tia & Tio...

Spending so much time with Abita (short for Abuelita)...

What made you smile last week?